Steps to Handling Criticism

No one loves criticism.  In a perfect world, everyone would stop by and tell us how wonderful we are.  However painful criticism may be, it doesn’t have to be destructive.  Here are some simple steps to handle criticism when it comes your way.

See if there’s any truth to it.  Before you get too defensive, see if there’s even a grain of truth to the criticism you received.  Even when it’s delivered in the wrong spirit, criticism can serve as an amazing catalyst for positive change in your life.  It can open our eyes to blind spots.

Respond graciously.  It’s easy to get defensive while being criticized.  An angered response is often going to be foolish and embarrassing.  When responding, avoid “you” language and attacks on the critic.  Respond directly to the issue.  If you know you’re wrong, admit it.

Step up.  After you’ve learned from whatever appropriate criticism you received, apply it to your life.  Allow it to make you a better person.  It’s pride that hardens our positions to resist change from criticism.  It takes a humble heart (and a strong individual) to make positive change from criticism.

Move on.  Don’t dwell on the criticism.  This is especially true in ill-spirited criticism.  Realize that some people will never be satisfied.  Not everyone is always going to love you.  Dwelling on others’ critical words will drain your confidence.  Once it’s dealt with, move right along.

Common Obstacles to Achieving Your Goals

Most of us set goals a few months back, at the beginning of the year.  Statistically, most of us give up on those goals by mid-February.  Whether they’re personal goals or goals for your church or ministry, reaching those goals can be difficult.

Here are some common obstacles to reaching our goals:

Lack of Confidence – Some of the greatest leaders in history have struggled with this obstacle.  The key to overcoming this is to not become paralyzed with a lack of confidence.  Think of Moses, Isaiah, and countless others that faced a lack of confidence.  They were able to set aside their inability in order to trust in God’s ability.

Procrastination – This person is always waiting for the perfect set of circumstances to arise.  Once all the stars align, the clouds part, and they hear a chorus of angels, they’ll know it’s time to move forward.  Step out in faith and move toward your goal. Even if you can only do baby steps toward your goal, forward motion is better than no motion.

Unrealistic Goals – You’ve met the pipe-dreamers before, right?  They always have the next big mega-million dollar idea.  Unrealistic goals will only serve to frustrate you.  Having said that, if God’s given you a seemingly unrealistic goal, he’ll make sure it happens!

Competing Interests – Many times our goals compete with our other interests.  A church may have the goal to reach their community, but their competing interests keep them inside their own four walls.  An individual may feel called to full-time ministry, but their competing interest in a lucrative position keeps them away.

Lack of Support – No one needs to be a Lone Ranger.  In America, we value the individual.  We admire the person who is able to succeed on their own.  How much farther could that individual have gone with a network of support?  You’ll find that sharing your goals with your friends will not only keep you accountable, but it will give you a wealth of ideas and encouragement.

Moving Benevolence Beyond Band-Aids

Benevolence ministries can be the most rewarding and frustrating ministries of the local church.  The frustration can often stem from the resulting revolving door benevolence ministries often seek to combat.

Some people seeking assistance have experienced a tragedy or temporary setback.  For these individuals, emergency assistance with food or bills could be a great help.  For many seeking assistance, however, a basic evaluation can reveal a lack of necessary financial management skills that can circumvent the cycle of poverty.

Here are some basic tips to improve your church’s benevolence ministries:

Be compassionate.  It’s all too easy to become calloused in  your response to the needs you’ll receive.  Remember, this is more difficult for the one requesting assistance.  Your response in this critical time of their life could positively or negatively affect their view of Christ.

Require an application. Without a detailed application, you have no basis to approve or deny the request you’ve received.  Your application should include basic information, such as a list of the individual’s income and expenses.  This will help you help them.

Look beyond the requested need.  Once you’ve reviewed the detailed application, you may discover the requested need isn’t the best way you can help.  Don’t be afraid to offer an alternative assistance approach.

Require additional steps for future assistance.  Clearly outline steps the individual will be required to take in order to receive future assistance.  This could include financial counseling, reducing expenses, or establishing a monthly budget.

Partner with local organizations.  It should rarely be the case that your congregation is forced to shoulder the complete burden of a request for assistance. Establish strong relationships with local community organizations.  Become well-acquainted with the services they offer.  You’ll find that you can do much more by utilizing your community’s resources.

Take advantage of NPO databases.  This is a little more rare, but an emerging group of communities have developed databases for all benevolent agencies.  These lists collaborate efforts and prevent duplication of services.

Now it’s your turn. How does your church handle benevolence ministry?

Personal Update-

Wow! What a busy few weeks.  I’ve been absent from the blogosphere during this time. My apologies.

On April 7, I became a father with the birth of Greyson Gregory Forrester. Greyson was 7 lbs., 11 oz. and 20 inches in length.  He’s now nearly a month old and is quickly checking off his list of firsts!

In other news, MinistryDirect.com has released some major new updates during this same time! Really cool things have been added to make sharing your ideas and resources easier than ever…’cuz that’s what we do.

I’m back and blogging again!  If you haven’t already, don’t forget that you can easily subscribe by email or RSS feed.

5 Names to Help Bolster Your Communication

You’ve heard it said that if you don’t aim for something, you won’t hit anything.  Identifying a target helps clarify your message.

When I’m crafting a lesson, I write seven things down.  The first two things are questions (So what? and What now?) that help me remember to stay relevant and applicable.  The next five things I write are actually names.

Indentify five individuals that will be in attendance.  If I’m speaking in a familiar setting, I’ll use names of people that will actually be attending.  If I’m speaking in a new setting, I may create the names.  The names always represent people from different age, gender, and socio-economic groupings.

These five names will help you make your teaching much more practical and relevant.  As you glance at the names throughout preparation, ask yourself these questions:

• Will she understand what I’m trying to communicate?
• How will this apply to his life?
• How will this help her grow in Christ?
• Is this what he needs to hear today?

If you find yourself answering in the negative for all the names you’ve written down, it’s time to re-write your lesson to be more applicable to those in attendance.

Re-inventing Pastor Bubble-Boy

Seinfeld fans—remember Bubble-boy?  He’s the angry young adult that lived totally insulated from the outside world.  It’s all too easy for Christians, especially those in Christian leadership, to become cocooned in a safe environment that excludes any contact with non-believers.  Some churches freely embrace a “barbarians at the gates” approach to dealing with the secular world.  Often, I’ve seen this view justified through a misinterpretation of biblical admonitions to shun those believers refusing to adhere to church discipline.  Others churches believe that their light should be infiltrating the darkness—they simply have forgotten (or neglected) to practice that.

Isolating yourself from all unchurched persons not only adversely affects your ability to be an effective witness, it affects your perceptions of how to reach and influence secular culture.  How can ministers and religious employees escape this bubble?

Here are a few practical tips:

• Avoid church leagues.  We have church softball leagues, basketball leagues, and bowling leagues.  Just name it—I’m sure there’s a church league for it.  The purpose of church leagues was to create a family-friendly environment while also fostering cooperation and fellowship among local churches.  What inadvertently ensued was a removal of Christian influence from a huge part of American culture.  If you’re thinking about joining a sporting league, think twice about joining a church league.  Use a secular league as a springboard to building relationships with your community.
• Volunteer.  This is something we drill into the heads of churchgoers.  Adjust your schedule to include volunteering with non-religious community agencies such as schools, theatre/arts, food banks, or other social service agencies.  You’ll not only build strong community relationships with those whom you serve, you’ll create lasting friendships with the other volunteers.  You’ll find this worth carving into your workweek, if necessary.
• Join a gym.  You’ll not only look and feel better about yourself, you’ll find yourself making friends and connecting with people throughout your community.
• Become a frequent customer.  Instead of always studying in your office, start studying at a coffee shop, library, or bakery.  You’ll find yourself building relationships with the other customers and the staff.  Side benefit: you get to escape the nagging phone for a few hours!

Staff Social Networking Policies

Does your church have a social networking policy for staff?  If not, you probably should look into drafting one.  If you have one, you may need to give it a second glance.

Social media is still gray in many respects of employment policy and law.  Some of these gray areas are being rapidly shored up by some recent legal decisions, however.  For example, a court recently ruled an employee’s termination due to openly criticizing her employer a violation of her free speech rights.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when crafting a social networking policy:

• Social networking IS NOT evil.  The pros of actively engaging your community via social networking will always out-weight the cons.  It’s here to stay.
• Confidentiality extends to the internet.  This may sound like a no-brainer.  Confidentiality doesn’t disappear when you’re on Facebook.
• WHERE and WHEN is more important than WHAT.  Social networking policies can address which sites employees are allowed to visit on company time and how long they can visit them.  Employers can even enforce what employees say on their corporate Facebook or Twitter accounts.  It becomes much more difficult, however, for an employer to enforce what an employee says on his/her personal account on his/her personal time.  Remember that social media is another form of communication.
• Accentuate the positive.  Nothing is more annoying than a corporate list of “don’ts” to adhere by.  When crafting a social networking policy, focus on the things you want your employees to do.  How often should they blog?  What should they blog about?  How should they respond to questions?  Should Facebook and Twitter accounts be updated regularly?

 

5 LESSONS FROM EGYPT

Egypt has been a major player on the world scene for nearly 5,000 years now.  Modern Egypt remains vital to world trade and stability in the Middle East.  Since January 25, scores of protesters have demanded the removal of Hosni Mubarak’s autocratic regime.

While Egypt’s situation is both unique and complex, there are some striking lessons church leaders can take to heart from this crisis.

1) The Age of Censorship Has Gone – Facebook and Twitter are rapidly changing the world’s culture.  It’s no longer possible to isolate the masses.  Mubarak’s attempt to silence the Internet and cellular communications fell flat.  Communications were re-activated within days.

Remember, while social networking provides rich promises for connecting your community and congregation, it also removes whatever PR control your office may have maintained for your church.  Good and bad news can easily go viral in your community.  Should you encourage your congregation to avoid social media? Some churches are doing just that. It’s not only a bad idea—it’s futile.  People are going to connect and engage online.  Your new role is to jump in the middle of the conversation and engage it head-on.

2) Paranoia Creates Dictators – Mubarak assumed the presidency of Egypt in 1981, following Anwar El Sadat’s assassination.  The tragedy, coupled with Mubarak’s paranoia, led to an implementation of Emergency Law that has been enforced for the past 30 years.

Do church leaders ever get paranoid?  Umm…yeah. Maybe you’ve had a bad experience with your board.  Maybe a member of your staff has challenged your authority.  A 21^st century response cannot maintain totalitarian control of the organization.  Deal with the problem and move along.  Realize you’re always going to encounter challenges to your vision and authority.  Don’t let these challenges turn you into a dictator.  Opposition is good! If our ideas are never challenged, we can’t become better leaders.  Believe it or not, sometimes you’re going to be wrong.  Sometimes other people will have better ideas than you.  Drop the paranoia and move along.

3) Trust Must Be Earned – For the past several days, Mubarak has made a series of promises to the people of Egypt in hopes he’ll be able to squelch the uprising.  Unfortunately for Mubarak, 30 years of dictatorial rule has ruined his credibility.  The Egyptian people will not believe his promises.

Church leaders should remember that rhetoric in and of itself will ring empty in the ears of churchgoers.  Our culture is rapidly growing more cynical.  It’s going to be more difficult than ever to earn the trust of your congregation.  If you don’t deliver on your promises, don’t expect them to easily forget.

4) Powerful Alliances Mean Little – Mubarak probably had every indication that his regime was powerfully immune with such powerful allies as the United States.  These alliances, however, mean very little to the Egyptian citizens.  They’re more concerned with the corruption and injustice they see day by day.

Church leader, you may have some powerful allies in the church world.  You may be friends with powerful leaders and enjoy respect among your peers.  This will matter little to your congregation.  They’re thinking of the church they attend each weekend—not your influential network.  Learn what you can from their criticism.  Rely on your friends for advice, not necessarily for influence.

5) Trouble Doesn’t Just Evaporate – It seems as if Mubarak, especially toward the beginning of the crisis, thought he could just be patient enough to wait out the crisis.  The energy of the Egyptian people only grew stronger, though.  Mubarak is pouring the concessions on thick at this point.

When trouble arises in your church, don’t expect it to simply disappear.  Generally, these events spread and fester like an infection.  Deal with crisis in its infancy, before it has a chance to grow into a monster too big to defeat.

Become a Mentor

If you’ve been following my blog for very long, you know that mentoring is very close to my heart.  Mentoring is a foundational biblical principle, although it’s fallen into sparse use in Western evangelical culture.  President Obama has declared January, National Mentoring Month.  He’s encouraging US citizens to become actively involved in mentoring children, especially troubled youths.  This is an amazingly significant role for churches to assume.  Becoming involved in programs such as Big Brother Big Sister, CASA, or SHAPES Mentoring can make a profound impact in the life of the child and in the greater community.

I’d also like to challenge pastors to mentor each other this year.  Too often, ministers within a local community view each other as a threat rather than a resource.  My wife has been in public education for 12 years.  Our local school system assigns a mentor to employees in new or transitioning positions.  She received a mentor as a math teacher, Spanish teacher, assistant principal, and principal.  Each of these mentors provided her with seasoned advice, lasting friendship, and a discerning ear.

While the Assemblies of God doesn’t assign mentors to ministers in new or transitioning positions, there are great opportunities for mentoring through your section, through the new and growing AG Coaching Network, and through the ever-growing network of ministry colleagues on MinistryDirect.com.  Connect with another minister for mentoring this year and watch how your ministry will thrive as a result.

Setting Short-Term Goals

At the beginning of each year, the blogosphere gets a tsunami of resources and opinions about setting long-term goals and New Year’s resolutions.  Just as important, however, are the stepping stones that help us reach those goals—our short-term objectives.  Here are a few things to keep in mind when setting your short-term goals:

Be specific.  If setting generic long-term goals is frustrating, setting generic short-term goals can be devastating.  Your short-term goals should have a laser beam focus.  The more specific it is, the more likely you are to accomplish it.

Connect it to your long-term goals.  Start with your long-term goals.  Decide what micro-steps should be taken to accomplish this goal.

Keep it within a 90 day timeframe.  While keeping your larger goals in focus, create your short-term goals as stepping stones to reach your ultimate destination.  What can you do in the next six weeks to accomplish your goals?

Make it measurable.  Immeasurable goals can easily be sidelined.  Goals that are measureable have tangible steps that can be taken to accomplish them.

Be accountable.  It’s a fundamental concept of Christianity—we’re made for each other.  Private goals will fizzle out as you become distracted or complacent.  Having someone to check-in with you halfway through and at the end of your short-term goals will greatly increase the likelihood of you accomplishing that goal.

Understand your potential and recognize your limits.  Challenge yourself, but make your goals realistic.  If you’re not being stretched, the goal isn’t ambitious enough.  If you can’t map out an easy pathway to accomplish  your goals, you may be a little too ambitious!